Dads & Fathers

"Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a Dad."

That's a phrase I've heard and seen a lot. I've also seen it transposed too, but to engender the same meaning.
What does it mean? Well, anyone can be biological sire of a child, but it takes someone special to care for that child through the years and help mold that child into a useful person.

I know, I wrote a fair bit about Fathers' day recently, but today's post is a little different, it's about the people who choose not to be a 'Dad' to the child they fathered.

So, a couple split shortly before the birth of their child. So now they're separated (divorced or whatever), for the sake of argument, the child stays with the mother and the father voluntarily pays child support while seeing his child every other weekend or something. This sounds fairly good, yes?
Now, both parents find new partners. The father starts missing visits, paying less attention to his child, breaking promised visits and activities, and paying less support because his funds are stretched - all the while publicly shelling out some hefty amounts of cash on his 'new family'. Gradually his twice a week visits become once a month, then increasingly sporadic, until finally he claims "This is not my child."

He's a nice chap isn't he?

What would you do?
Force him to test for proof it's not his child and make sure he pays child support?
Accept his implied accusation of infidelity and be happy he's out of the child's life?

For my money, the father in this hypothetical situation is running away from his responsibilities, but I would suggest that keeping him away from the child is in the child's best interest as he is likely a destructive influence whether he believes his claim to be true or not.

It will not be often I invite comment, so make the most of it, let me know your thoughts people of the internet.

Fathers' Day

Sunday just gone was, in case you missed it, Fathers' Day.

I always used to think that Fathers' Day was just another notch on the greetings cards companies bedposts, another time to cajole people out their hard earned to buy cards and expensive presents for their parents. After all, there's Valentines Day, Mothers' Day, and probably more to boot.
In previous years I'd buy my dad a card and maybe a small comedy gadget, and my kids would (under guidance of their mother) get me a card and some chocolate.

This year it was different, well it was for me, anyway.

You see, although I call them my kids they are technically my step-children. Over the last year their natural father has become more and more distant; missing visits, cancelling visits, breaking promises, culminated on un-friending the eldest on facebook and now claiming they're not his. I'm not going to go in to the bad feelings I have towards this man, this isn't about that.
Instead, I'm more joyed at how my kids are handling this; the elder one - now over 18 wants me to adopt them. On technicalities I gather this makes very little substantial difference as they're an adult now, but on an emotional level it means a hell of a lot to me. The younger daughter, still very much a child, is calling me 'Dad', something that's been happening more and more over recent months, and is now the norm rather than an occasional happening. When this first started happening I smiled and the 'mistake' was corrected. Now however I get called Dad a lot more, I'm 'the best Dad ever' so I'm told, and it's the best damned thing a child can say.

So, back to Fathers' Day. I received not one, as in previous years, but two, and a present. I will no doubt gain many more pounds in weight from the candy dispenser I was bought, but the real gift was the two cards; one from my younger daughter telling me how great a Dad I was, and one from my elder daughter, not only saying how great of a Dad I was, but why I was great and how thankful she was that I was there for her when she needed a father.

I had no clue that Fathers' Day was supposed to put a lump in your throat like that. Best Fathers' Day ever!